Quotes

Ollie:[to Gertie] You're the only thing I was ever good at.

Gertie: I hate you! I hate you! I wish you died, not MOMMY!
Ollie: I hate you right back you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me. I just want it back!

Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You gettin' a dog?

Maya: That was kinda sweet. I'm kinda crushin' on you right now, Trinke.

Ollie: "Cats" is the second worst thing that ever happened to New York City. [after talking to Gertie, after finding her with Brian without their pants on]

Ollie: Do you have any questions about what you saw?
Gertie:thinking hard] Do you have what Brian has?
Ollie: Yes.
Gertie:after thinking hard again] Is it as big as his?
Ollie: Sadly, yes.

Ollie: George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex". Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?

Boy #5: Okay, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out.

Bart: Try acting like a father, shit-head.

Gertrude Steiney:very pregnant Gertrude is getting ready for the VMAs] You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!
Ollie: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.
Gertrude Steiney:now crying] I wanna be a coked-out whore!

Ollie: They're just skinny because they're coked out whores.
Gertrude Steiney:sobbing] I wanna' be a coked-out whore!
Ollie: Okay. You can be a coked-out whore. You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.

Maya: I do it at least twice a day.
Ollie: Good God!

Ollie: Come on, Dad. Don't you wanna live alone again?
Bart: Not as much as I don't wanna die alone.

Maya: Forget about what you thought you were and just accept who you are.

Maya: Man cannot live on porn alone.

Bart: If Gertie could see the shit you've been pulling.
Ollie: Gertie can't see anything, Dad. She's dead.
Bart: That's right, she is. But you aint. And neither is that kid.

Boy #3: My Mum says my Dad has brown eyes because he is full of shit.

Will Smith: 'Ey, you Brickman?
Ollie: No. I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.

Will Smith: What's your daughter's name?
Ollie: Gertrude.
Will Smith: Damn why'd you do that man?
Ollie: Isn't that cute? It's 8 o'clock and you both get a bottle.

Girl #1: My mom and dad are very religious. At night I hear them scream, Jesus!